Faith Walk - Nov. 30

* It is interesting how the staying in B came about so easily, when I had tried so hard without success. His provision beyond my knowing!

* It surely was nice to see NS again. It was nice of her to buy dinner for us. It was a jolly time to go sightseeing. Or should I have sticked to my plan of getting work done.

* I do feel overwhelmed as the departure date seems to come closer than I expected. Dear LORD, please give me YOUR peace, the peace that transcends all understanding. Dear LORD, help me prepare for the trip, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and practically.

* It was nice to have the first follow-up with Foundation material. :-) What a blessing and a joy it was to spend time together like that.

* My supervision pointed out my being overly active in BI during the intensive time of graduate school training. I know I have decided (probably since this summer) that I would make time for the things I really wanted to do, instead of letting the demands of graduate school run my life. However, am I now swinging too much the other way? I have always thought my increasingly active involvement as a result/reflection of my spiritual growth, God' s leading for me and His training opportunities to prepare me for what He has made me for. However, it is also a fact that I have been behind on my clinical record keeping and have not worked much, if at all, on my dissertation project. Is it really God's leading for me? Or am I letting my life run by urgency instead of importance? I guess this is a more general question regarding the pattern of my day-to-day living. Where is the balance between being planful and organized and being flexible? Dear LORD, please do help me become wiser with my time and thus my life. Dear LORD, draw me closer to YOU in prayer to seek Your leading and guiding. Let YOU and the leading of Your Spirit be the only foundation and motivation of my actions. May YOU be gloried in my life! I do specifically pray for the commitment regarding BSF. Please do speak to me clearly. Dear LORD, I will not commit myself unless I know clearly it is what You have planned for me.

* Whatever it is, I know NP is a calling from YOU and I am committed. Dear LORD, hold me and keep me.

* I still have not heard back from CoG regarding the support. As I drove to campus, my heart was full of bitterness. I was upset that the announcement was made at the very end, that there was no E-mail sent out on it, that it was included in the shorter-than-usual weekly updates, that I still did not hear back regarding it even if there was nothing given. I was upset at CoG, at everyone who chose not to give, and ... I guess ... at God for not making it a little easier. I thought of leaving CoG. I thought of withholding my giving for a whole year and then leave. What a moment of spiritual warfare! How dangerous is the power of the dark side. I had to come before God and ask Him to help my lack of faith and my tendency to walk by sight. Then I realized that I had been relying on CoG to provide for me, but that is different from relying on God to provide for me. It helped me come before God and correct my attitude. Well, I have been praying and asking God to "examine my heart and take away the things that are not pleasing to Him." He apparently has answered my prayer again as He did when I prayed the same prayer this past summer. I guess this is one of the spiky prayers and it often hurts when the prayer gets answered. Yet I have been learning to praise the LORD and be thankful for His pruning. I have also been learning to be patient with myself and the process. Dear LORD, please protect my heart and my spirit. Please help me to know YOU more and know YOU better, because YOU are the object and foundation of my faith. Please forgive me for my lack of faith and the urge to take things in my own hands. Please keep me from yielding to such temptation and choose to trust in YOU and Your provision no matter what, every time I get tempted. Dear LORD, sweet Jesus, I yield to YOU and ask you to take over my life, my heart, my desires, my thoughts, my feelings, and my all in all. Amen!

Heart Murmuring - Nov. 26, 2007 Monday

* It was wonderful to pray with JB. Somehow it felt so long. She shared with me her prayer journey, stating that she regards me as one of her own children. The prayers were so beautiful. I am grateful to the LORD for giving spiritual mothers who pray for me as their own. I was also told that her mother "adopted" me too and had something for my birthday. Officially my birthday celebration will be extending for two months or longer. Dear LORD, thank YOU so much to make sure that I am loved and I feel it.

* My attitude at work changed. I think the conversation earlier helped and the small group Bible study did too. I am more solemn now *_^ It might be a little too big a word to use, but you get the gist of it. It is interesting what you notice with a sober attitude. I am still kind of debating about the carefree vs. careful approaches. I guess it is not supposed to be dichotomous, just as everything else. It is a fine balance to keep, just as everything else. It is a delicate art.

* I got a little cross earlier, because my work is not done. It is still not done, but I am not really cross and apparently less anxious. It was clear how dependent I can be when I am with others and encounter something I do not like to do. There is a time when it is helpful for me to be with other so that I can be kept accountable. At the same time, there is also a time when it is profitable for me to be by myself so that I will take responsibility and get tough things done. Know yourself and know the times as well. I guess I was a little resentful also toward my dear friend. But at the same time, I felt that I should not be resentful and it is myself who is to be blamed. Dear LORD, will YOU please help me grow in patient and grace? Help me season my speech with salt and minister to others with Your love.

* It was a surprise to get my second support check with the amount doubled from what was promised and thus expected. It was wonderful to have JH join us on the team. The LORD surely provides for us according to His riches above and beyond what we ask for. God, YOU ARE AWESOME! It is AWESOME to be yours. Love, J.

* Now my LORD, grant me the wisdom to finish my assignment. Help me write to build up instead tearing down. Humble my heart. Mold me and shape me so that YOUR glory will be reflected in my life.

His Fingerprints - Nov. 25, 2006 Sunday

I can't believe that it is only a month till Christmas. I can't believe I am leaving in two weeks. It seems awfully short.

* It was so much fun to see the casting and shooting of the Christmas pageant. :-)

* How wonderful it was to share the 4SL with AL and to witness her praying to accept Jesus into her heart. God is GOOD, ALL the time!

* My trip was announced. I was encouraged by people who came to talk with me. At the same time, I was overly concerned about the financial aspect of things. Dear LORD, help me trust in you FULLY. And YOU alone!

* I was so grieved that I lost my patience with my parents during the course of the conversation. I could not explain where I felt blocked and stuffed so often by my parents. Is it smothering? Anyhow I was quite irritated by the comment on my voice (Should I be always overly excited to satisfy my parents?) and the inquiry regarding the trip (I guess I knew my parents' opinion and felt my boundary was violated). Whatever it is, I should not have raised my voice and got annoyed. My heart was saddened after the conversation. I called back to apologize and once again my mom denied any need for apology stating that it was natural for parents to tolerate. Once again I felt the blocked and stuffed feeling. I was in tears. Dear Lord, please help me.

* I had a thought to have a fast of TV shows and movies from now to my departure. It felt hard, but maybe I should do it. Maybe I should share during the prayer time tomorrow morning and get some accountability from JB.

MT Record - Nov. 22, 2007 (Thanksgiving Special)

I am thankful for the opportunity to share with you what the LORD has recently taught me and how He called me to go on a second CSTMT this December. It was just last Thursday (11/15) that I received a phone call regarding an urgent need to form a team for a CSTMT. The team will work with the local believers in university campus outreach and evangelism before Christmas. My first reaction was it was too short a notice and I had planned otherwise. However, earlier that evening I just finished reading the book Dangerous Wonder by Michael Yaconelli on childlike faith, on knowing God, who is dangerous and good and playful, and on following Jesus with WILD ABANDON. Loving Jesus and living for Him is not always safe, neat, convenient, or well-planned, and it is not supposed to be. It is wild, dangerous, and scary at times, but fulfilling, exciting, and rewarding ever more. I decided to go on the mission trip as a small statement of my desire to follow Jesus despite all the worldly concerns. I decided to go, because I know that He is ABLE, and that the will of God will never call me where the grace of God will not sustain and provide for me. In this past week, He has already provided us a team of four so that we can go together in His name. Dear --- family, would you please pray for me and the team, for our spiritual and practical preparations, safety traveling and during the mission trip, and transformation of hearts and lives of those we will meet and ourselves? I do need to raise -- before December 9, which is only three Sundays away. It sounds wild, does not it? I suppose our Jesus is rather wild, and trustworthy. Will you prayerfully consider supporting me on the trip by giving sacrificially? Thank you!

Thanskgiving Thoughts - Nov. 21

* Thank you, LORD, for recovering my wallet even before I knew its missing.

* Thank you for the fellowship group.

* Thank you for the phone call with John and come together to pray. Please bless him today with his friends. May Your name be gloried and may everyone be blessed!

* Thank you for the rest I can have in You. I don't have to fear and suffering anxiously when the visa website was not working. You know and You are never late. Your timing is perfect.

* Thank you for your leading, teaching, and calling.

Let's celebrate - Sept 9

Today in Sunday school, we (the kids and I) learned that God will help us celebrate the good things He has blessed us with.

I would like to celebrate the completion of the first draft for my method and results chapters of my thesis!!! Thank you, LORD, for the strength and wisdom You has given me. Thank you for encouraging me to persevere! Thank you for being patient with me! - A Work in Progress ^_*

A few things - Sept. 7

* It is neat to be able to recommend Josh McDowell's book(s) to CLE, as she mentioned having questions about her faith and expressed her desires to seek answers. Dear LORD, would you continue to bring forth opportunities in my clinical work as well as everyday life to be an instrument for Your service and for the goodness of others. Help me live for Your glory!

* How nice it was to know that EVERYONE here knows the LORD! Finally I am a fish that has found my water :O)

* For the first time, my feet were called "pretty." (more literally than the "beautiful feet" in the biblical context :-) I realize how much I have grown when I did not even bother to explain how I disliked my hands and feet because ... Thanks to Michelle McKinney Hammond ^_*

Be An Irresistible Woman REGARDLESS! http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Irresistible-Woman-Smart-Capturing/dp/1565078438

Provision, even for the cake - Sept. 6

I planned to make THE chocolate cake to welcome back one of my colleagues returning after her licensure exam. I also shared the plan with our administrative manager. Well, that made it a promise, I suppose. But we decided to surprise everyone else. And ... that was before I realized that it was the night of my 13-hour Wednesday night that I needed to bake the cake (sigh... a little too late to know).

I thought I had everything needed, especially after buying the extra boxes of cake mix and chocolate pudding. It turned out ... I did not have any sour cream or yogurt. Well, it is kind of important to have so that the cake can be moist. In addition, I did not find this out until past 11pm, since I did not get home until after 10:30pm. I was so thankful that my roommie just did her grocery in the afternoon and bought an 8o.z. (the exact amount the recipe called for) package of sour cream, even though she does not normally use it. Another "coincidence," haha, we all know what it means in God's dictionary. He watches and provides, even for the cake. :-) So I did get to present the cake today to honor my colleague.

I love baking, especially when God gets His fingers into the dough, Yumm!

Flexibility, When Duty Calls - Sept. 2 & 3

* Sunday, Sept. 2 - Friends' visiting church; wisdom for kids' church

* Evening - conversation with friends, spiritual topics

* Pain in upper arm

* Monday, Sept. 3 - office decor

* Friend's call for help

* Dear LORD, YOUR grace is sufficient for me and YOUR power shall be made perfect in my weaknesses.

Catch phrase for the day - My "I have potential" Plant :-)

God's Timing - Sept. 1

(9/2/2007, early morning hours)
Another sleepless night, after last night. I should have learned by now that those times are golden time for solitude time to be with the LORD. Yet I don't always go to Him, for example I didn't last night. Yet, here I am now.

I didn't do a journal entry before going to bed, though I do have something to record. So here I am, writing it down. I called home during my cramped, sleepless hours last night. To assure my lovely Ba-Ba & Ma-Ma, I called again after waking up this morning. It is amazing that the newspaper insert had a section on the natural remedies for such problems. How timely! A co-incidence? Only if you don't know the best Person to know. There is NO co-incidence in His dictionary, only Divine Appointments and Divine Provisions. :-)

Even more so, it was just a couple days ago out of the blue I thawed out one of my "collectible" cornish game hens. It was cooked the night before last, since it was finally thawed. Apparently, one of the remedies calls for chicken. Who would have known, except Him who is above in heaven, watching over me on earth! By the way, the natural remedy was not bad at all. Maybe I should consider to routinely cook chicken this way in the future.

I do pray for healing though. It is so hard to be pleasant while in pain. I literally can not focus and get myself to do anything remotely academic or productive, other than shopping for my new office and re-arranging my bathroom sink. (Definitely not anywhere near the top priorities!) Yet it is good that I got to talk with multiple friends. I suppose that's even more important than being productive with academics. It was wonderful to talk with M. Oh, how I missed her and her voice, her sweet spirit. I wish to visit her in the future and to see her lovely children.

It was nice to talk with ZH on spiritual matters. It is neat to see his interest and to hear his inquiries on spiritual things. My sweet Jesus is calling him to draw near. :-) Dear LORD, thank you for giving me the privilege to steal a peek every now and then. Please give me wisdom to be an instrument for you during the process.

I was a little surprised by Y's reactions to my not-so-gentle words. She was not only NOT offended, but touched, because she saw care, sincerity, eagerness for her benefit. Dear Lord, is this assistantship opportunity Your provision for her? Is this an answer to prayers? I wish I have prayed more for this matter. Oh, me of little faith! You would think I would have learned your provision and your abundance through the past encounters. Yet I still have such difficulties to walk by faith, instead of by sight. Dear LORD, forgive me for my little faith. Take my unbelief, and help me believe. Dear LORD, will you bless her and provide for her, even through this assistantship opportunity? Will you make it clear that it is a gift from You to her, because of Your love for her? Will you continue to transform my heart and my life to be more like Jesus?

What a sweet journey it is to walk with YOU beside me! The LORD is my Shepherd, and I shall not be in want.

Fellowship all around - August 31

I cannot believe that it is already the last day of August, well, actually the first day of September. Howe can time pass by so fast? It was not that long ago when I started the daily journal book on January 1st. Redeem the time, redeem the time!

Anyway, what happened today? Well, this morning I met a lady from Sudan, who is a follower of Christ, in the bathroom. We talked and we hugged. Then we hugged again and again. What a great GOD, what a big family, and the world seems so much smaller.

Apparently, I also started my internship at a good time, not only with the new office, but also with the upgrade time for the computer. Even though I have nothing against the original computer, now I have a new one. I love "my" new IBM ThinkCentre. :-) It was cool to talk with O, who made the switching. He is a believer also! He was fun, looking like 25 despite being 40, happily married, pleasant ... What a small world!

It feels good that the clerk at Staples told me that I would make a great counselor after talking with me for ... like not even 5 minutes. :-) Lord, YOU are so good. Thank you for all the fellowship and the encouragement/affirmation you are sending along. I am fully convinced that I am in Your will and I cannot be happier.

It is such a good day. Time with friends, especially A. That's always a blast. I am so glad that S. and her daughter are going to visit our church Sunday. With L, that makes a car-ful to church Sunday morning. A historical first, at least since I got in Richmond. It is AWESOME! I SO look forward to it!

The Great Counselor - August 30

First day having CLs at the new setting

flexibility

first time, praying with a CL in session

professional growth.

confidence, competency, comfortableness, naturalness

feedback from supervisor - voice & demeanor change, how I carry myself personally & professionally

My "silly" hat (quoting E.R. :0) (My new favorite smile on screen)

I am called to be here and get trained to be a counseling psychologist.

So Here I am.

The Best Teacher & My 1st Labs - August 29

Rabbi

excited about the class

excited about teaching the class

praying on the phone w/ H.

sufficient grace for sustaining me through the 13hr day

***********************************************************************************
My 1st PSYC 214 Labs

Went well: 1^st group – 1hr; 2^nd group – 1hr 20min

Group difference: #1 – more conventional study tips; organization; Seem to recall more freely and come up with examples indicating understanding

#2 – more divergent thinking (study buddy, have a good relationship with lab instructor), no organization tips mentioned. Offering examples referring to the notes

My personal preference, how to balance it.

More time to prepare, use examples

Bring binder

To do: SPSS, clarify interval vs. ratio

Enthusiastic, engaging

Focus on what is important.

The Great Artist - August 28

This is from the evening. The previous one is from the morning of 8/28.

A beautiful moon - bright, round, gold, beyond my words

(I wish I knew about the total solar eclipse then. Then maybe I would have been CRAZY enough to wait for it. :0) Well, a case of ignorance as a bliss!

A stone from another mountain - 它山之石

http://www.mitbbs.com/article_t/TopArticle/25266559.html

Restored after the fall - August 28

John 1:9

God's characteristics - not man's, not holding grudges

forgiveness, being forgiven

repentance (turn around) & restoration

Love one another - August 26

Phone conversation w/ Y.

Joined spirit and force in prayers

Give a drink in His name - Aug. 23

Ice tea on a hot day to thirsty people

Good news of living water - never thirsty again

I wish I can speak Spanish or at least have some tracts in Spanish.

(Lost my traveling-from-China pitcher, whoever has it now should put it to good use.)

His Fingerprints - My 2nd CO trip (8/16-20)

Well, this is going to be long and I don't know how to make it shorter since it seems each of the smaller incidents all come together to form a bigger picture, which is the truly AWESOME part if you ask me. It shows how God orchestrates our lives and make something beautiful when we give Him the conductor stick. :-) He writes amazing stories when we give Him the pen of our lives.

I can't do this one in one sitting. But an outline might be helpful. I thought it would stay vivid in my mind forever. However, after knowing more of God's abundant grace and blessings, I am no longer that confident. It seems like a new wave of blessings will push the previous wave back to fade a little bit. I better write it down before it totally fades into the background. Then at least I have some to read and to remind me how WHOLESOMELY AWESOME it has been :-)

Here is the outline:

1. Called to help with training, presentation, prep (prayer - examine my heart/motives); God's blessing, provide strength, energy, and courage; encouragement from other;

2. Friday morning, (8/17) readings - John 4, the Samaritan woman at the well. What does God speak to you? "Will you give me a drink?" vs. "know the gift of God" and Jesus as who He is. Self-reflection, wrestling, examine my heart.

3. The change of my heart by Saturday (8/18) morning

4. Sleepless hours = sweet or heart-wrenching (depend on the time) quiet times with the LORD
My new prayer style

5. Consult with others:
K. - need to finish, have the right motives, examine motives - quitting for difficulty
T & J. - transition, enthusiasm; need; prayers
N. - testimony, seek His will by prayers and openness to be led

6. Sunday (8/20)
CM
- meeting with T., the story of holding back - three sets of drums
DEN
- standing-by, divine appt, Mr. S., encouragement, provision, sensitive, perspective taking;
- India lady; mom with children
ORD
- K. & God's provision, affirmation
- L. & prayer, His faithfulness
- Overbooking
- delay, meeting Mr. & Mrs. M., a glimpse of heaven on earth;
- D. & "How Great Thou Art."

7. 8/21 - get luggage back, lightning, Our GOD is an AWESOME GOD.

8. upgrade, sprint. - Call them!

OK. At least now I have the outline and I will just come back and fill in the blanks. :-)
(Almost feel like doing clinical documentation.)