Faith Walk - Nov. 30

* It is interesting how the staying in B came about so easily, when I had tried so hard without success. His provision beyond my knowing!

* It surely was nice to see NS again. It was nice of her to buy dinner for us. It was a jolly time to go sightseeing. Or should I have sticked to my plan of getting work done.

* I do feel overwhelmed as the departure date seems to come closer than I expected. Dear LORD, please give me YOUR peace, the peace that transcends all understanding. Dear LORD, help me prepare for the trip, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and practically.

* It was nice to have the first follow-up with Foundation material. :-) What a blessing and a joy it was to spend time together like that.

* My supervision pointed out my being overly active in BI during the intensive time of graduate school training. I know I have decided (probably since this summer) that I would make time for the things I really wanted to do, instead of letting the demands of graduate school run my life. However, am I now swinging too much the other way? I have always thought my increasingly active involvement as a result/reflection of my spiritual growth, God' s leading for me and His training opportunities to prepare me for what He has made me for. However, it is also a fact that I have been behind on my clinical record keeping and have not worked much, if at all, on my dissertation project. Is it really God's leading for me? Or am I letting my life run by urgency instead of importance? I guess this is a more general question regarding the pattern of my day-to-day living. Where is the balance between being planful and organized and being flexible? Dear LORD, please do help me become wiser with my time and thus my life. Dear LORD, draw me closer to YOU in prayer to seek Your leading and guiding. Let YOU and the leading of Your Spirit be the only foundation and motivation of my actions. May YOU be gloried in my life! I do specifically pray for the commitment regarding BSF. Please do speak to me clearly. Dear LORD, I will not commit myself unless I know clearly it is what You have planned for me.

* Whatever it is, I know NP is a calling from YOU and I am committed. Dear LORD, hold me and keep me.

* I still have not heard back from CoG regarding the support. As I drove to campus, my heart was full of bitterness. I was upset that the announcement was made at the very end, that there was no E-mail sent out on it, that it was included in the shorter-than-usual weekly updates, that I still did not hear back regarding it even if there was nothing given. I was upset at CoG, at everyone who chose not to give, and ... I guess ... at God for not making it a little easier. I thought of leaving CoG. I thought of withholding my giving for a whole year and then leave. What a moment of spiritual warfare! How dangerous is the power of the dark side. I had to come before God and ask Him to help my lack of faith and my tendency to walk by sight. Then I realized that I had been relying on CoG to provide for me, but that is different from relying on God to provide for me. It helped me come before God and correct my attitude. Well, I have been praying and asking God to "examine my heart and take away the things that are not pleasing to Him." He apparently has answered my prayer again as He did when I prayed the same prayer this past summer. I guess this is one of the spiky prayers and it often hurts when the prayer gets answered. Yet I have been learning to praise the LORD and be thankful for His pruning. I have also been learning to be patient with myself and the process. Dear LORD, please protect my heart and my spirit. Please help me to know YOU more and know YOU better, because YOU are the object and foundation of my faith. Please forgive me for my lack of faith and the urge to take things in my own hands. Please keep me from yielding to such temptation and choose to trust in YOU and Your provision no matter what, every time I get tempted. Dear LORD, sweet Jesus, I yield to YOU and ask you to take over my life, my heart, my desires, my thoughts, my feelings, and my all in all. Amen!